I was suffering from adrenal fatigue again. I was breastfeeding, too, so my naturopath couldn’t give me the supplements to boost my adrenals.
I would wake up in the morning but wouldn’t get out of bed. This was the time of day that my cortisol levels were non-existent and if I were to push myself in any way my body would betray me. I would need to eat something first thing even though the thought of food made me feel nauseous. I would slip out of bed to the kitchen to get myself a small bowl of chia seeds, hemp seeds and coconut milk and slip right back into bed to eat it. This would give me just enough of a kick of energy to make things okay. My daughter had learned to play quietly or perhaps watch a show in the bed in the mornings. We would wake up around 9 but not actually get up until around noon when I would immediately make a proper lunch. Without food I would certainly crash.
At some point between 9 and noon, regardless of what I did, I would end up on the toilet for another not so fun bowel movement episode. If I was doing extra poorly or I had something stressful happen then this could turn into a full blown anxiety attack. Too much stimulation at once is different in the morning than it is later in the day. In the morning it could be as simple as getting a phone call (and that is just the phone ringing, never mind answering it, too) at the same time my husband is talking to me, at the same time I am trying to do something for my daughter. Later in the day that all at once wouldn’t bother me so much.
I can’t even properly explain an anxiety attack. There just aren’t words to describe the feelings of everything being wrong at once, of not being able to sit still, of utter misery, of not being able to control your body. During an anxiety attack I would often just pace in circles around the island in our kitchen. If I was lucky my daughter would stay occupied with whatever she was doing. If not it would often add to my feeling of out of control and I would feel terrible for not being able to handle, in that moment, whatever she would need. After the anxiety attack I would feel absolutely exhausted …for the rest of the day.
So, I would do my best to keep my mornings as stress free as possible and try to eat as well as I could. I would also try to get enough rest which wasn’t always possible with a little one. And then, just after my daughter turned two Reiki started showing up on my radar over and over again. It got to the point that I had to notice. I wasn’t sure what Reiki was but from what I read on the internet Reiki is a form of energy healing. I also have a friend who does Quantum Touch healing, another form of energy healing. My friend lives across the country from me so she had only ever done distant sessions for me. When she had done them for me I was amazed at the results. I didn’t quite understand it but I didn’t really need to understand to believe in the differences it had made for me. Unfortunately for me she had a new baby, too and had her hands full so was no longer practicing for the time being.
Meanwhile, I spoke to my birth mother on the phone and she mentioned Reiki, too. I had an issue with airplanes which, of course, stopped me from going to visit. I had actually booked a flight previously and not been able to get on it. So she wanted me to do a distant Reiki session over the phone with her Reiki practitioner. So, I did. I don’t know how well it worked because I still haven’t been able to get it together (budget, etc.) to be able to take a trip but one day we will see. She did, however, mention things she couldn’t have known about me and gave me other coping tools. When I got off the phone I decided it was time for me to see if I could find someone close to where I lived. So I turned to Google and found Mari Okazaki. She was a 5 minute drive from where I was living at the time. And she was fabulous.
I went for my first session. All I needed to do on my part was lay on a massage table. Mari placed her hands on me in different positions throughout the session. Shortly after she started I was so relaxed I fell asleep. I don’t think I have ever been so relaxed! It may have been that session or one of the subsequent sessions that I would wake myself up with my snores. When we were done I didn’t want to leave but I felt really refreshed and so hungry. Later that night though I felt unreasonably irritable. When I asked Mari about it she said that is the Reiki working …moving the blockages through my body. In later sessions I didn’t feel irritable afterwards …just the first one. It makes sense since I probably had a backlog of blockage.
I went for weekly sessions. I had been suffering from monthly migraines that coincided with my cycle. The headaches were so regular I could look ahead on the calendar and schedule plans around them. The following month after starting to see Mari I didn’t have a migraine! I was so impressed and excited about it. I decided to learn Reiki. For me and also for my daughter and family.
Apparently, there are different forms of Reiki. Mari practices Jikiden Reiki. Jikiden means “directly passed down or taught”. It is the Reiki that is directly from Japan and has not changed in it’s teachings since the original Reiki came to be. Japanese are a people who are very traditional and this suited me perfectly because I, myself, like to learn traditional ways. Mari is also a Reiki teacher so I was able to take both my Shoden Level (Level 1) and Okuden Level (Level 2) with her. It is one of the things in my life that I am very grateful for.
Since learning Reiki not only have I been able to use it when my daughter and husband have gotten minor injuries or sickness but my sister was diagnosed with bone cancer last summer right after my Mom had an emergency surgery from a perforated ulcer. My sister lives far from me but I am able to do distant Reiki for her. It is really nice to be able do something when your loved ones are suffering. I also enjoy going to Reiki practice nights when I am able. One day when my daughter is a little older I hope to take it a little further and perhaps became a Reiki practitioner and a teacher myself.