A Bit About Hubby and Me

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It was our anniversary recently so I made this sign for my husband. It hasn’t always been easy for us (aren’t most relationships a bit of a challenge?) but I do believe we are meant to be together. I have been wanting to make this sign for him for some time now.

Anyone I tell our story to loves the fairy tale sparkle to it so I thought I would share it. My husband and I have actually known each other since Grade 6. However, we didn’t start spending time together as part of a larger group until Grade 11. Then it wasn’t until Grade 12 when we actually began dating. We spent a lot of time together and after school ended we lived together. Sometime in that summer I got pregnant. We both had minimum wage jobs and struggled to make ends meet. Neither of us had a plan. Being adopted myself, feeling like I had a good family life growing up & not being able to imagine being raised by a teenager I felt that our baby, too, should be adopted into a family who could provide him a solid foundation. The adoption went through and hubby and I spent the next few years in an “on again, off again” relationship. It seems we were always drawn together but at the same time couldn’t quite get past our differences. In the end we broke up and went our separate ways.

Fast forward 14 years. Through a number of coincidences I found out where our son was and even more coincidental knew people who knew his parents. He ended up living a few blocks away from where I was living at the time (about a 3o minute drive from where I lived when he was born)! Anyway, I started to see him walking with his friends and eventually met his parents. I didn’t want to force him to meet me until he was ready (which might be never). I had the insight of being an adopted person myself to guide me. So I sent him an invitation on Facebook to be friends with the note saying he didn’t need to talk to me …I just wanted to give him  the opportunity to get to know me a little without the pressure of meeting. (I would have loved that as an adopted girl …to see my birth families first before the scary meeting …and yes, I have met both my birth mother and birth father but that’s another story). He accepted but, of course, wasn’t ready to talk.

During this time I couldn’t help but think about where hubby was and how he was doing. I was anticipating being prepared in the case that our son wanted to connect and wanted to know about his birth father. I went to see a counsellor who specialized in adoption matters. She suggested that it might be a good idea to reach out to hubby before my son makes a connection because it might be very overwhelming if it all happened at the same time. This is very true especially for an HSP like me. It took me almost a year but I finally reached out and sent a message, also over Facebook, to hubby. We wrote back and forth and then talked on the phone. Once that happened we started talking on the phone every day. Then we decided to meet up. By this time I had moved a ferry ride away so he came for the weekend. And from there we spent every weekend together.

We still had that same connection. And now we were both more mature and more experienced. We were also able to talk about the past more easily and without the emotion attached. And then everything happened quite quickly. I was about to move (again) 8 hours away (to spend time with my birth father and be closer to my sister) and hubby wanted to make his intentions clear so he proposed to me. I said yes. We didn’t know how it would work out …whether he would follow me or I would eventually come back but we figured it would all work out.

We were both almost 40 by this point and knew we wanted to have another child. From all accounts it seems that it takes a lot longer to conceive once you get older …apparently not in our case though! It was like it was meant to be. So there we were engaged with a baby on the way. I never did make it up to my birth father’s (a missed opportunity for sure …I always feel a pang of regret about that). Instead I moved back to the mainland and in with hubby.

Even though I didn’t expect our son to send me messages I would send him messages to let him know where I was etc. So I did send him a message about my moves and then I connected him with hubby on Facebook when he first came to visit me. Then about a week before I was set to move he sent me a message saying he wanted to meet! He came over to the island with his girlfriend and they met us on the day before I moved back. He has been in our life ever since. Our daughter and son adore each other (even though they are 20 years apart).

They also have a brother from a relationship hubby had in the years in between. He came to visit us for spring break the following year so we decided to plan our wedding for his visit. We definitely couldn’t get married without him. Coincidentally, the day that worked for everyone based on his visit and days off etc. was the same date we met our son but exactly one year later. You know what they say about coincidences …it’s a sign you are on the right path.

(And by no means does having a great story make for an easier relationship! We still have our challenges but I do believe we belong together.)

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