Goodbye 2015.

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I have to say that 2015 may be the year that I am happiest to see the back of. In my whole life I cannot think of a more challenging year. I mean really, I had to know, it started off terribly with the loss of my sister. And then later my rocky marriage came to a screeching halt and I suddenly found myself separated. It was a year where I felt like things were being flung directly at my head and my job was to just dodge them as best I could.

As difficult as it was to lose my sister it was that much harder because she was my person. You know, the person you have that you tell the best news to and the worst news, too. The one that you can call and you can start mid sentence because they know the entire back story. The one that you are comfortable calling and then spending the first few minutes sobbing because you can’t even bring yourself to say hello yet but know that they don’t care and will wait as long as it takes for you to be able to speak. It was that much harder because she was my person I turned to when things happen like marriages ending and sudden separations that are life changing and so very challenging.

She was also my person I turned to when I experienced successes like the ones I experienced in my business this year. (She was my #1 fan when I started my business). Yes, 2015 wasn’t all bad  and through it all some pretty amazing things happened as well. I am proud of how far Babayaya’s Handmade Creations has come this year and I am amazed at all the love and support I have felt all around. It feels pretty awesome when people tell me they love what I make. I had bigger plans for Babayaya’s this year but I am happy at how much I did accomplish with all things considered.

They say that things need to fall apart in order to get better. That may be true but it is still hard to let go of the things you know and love even when you know you have to. This year has also brought me some strong connections and support networks with new and old people in my life that I would not have formed had I not lost my sister and my husband. Or maybe I would have formed them but not let them flourish as they have. If I had my sister’s shoulder to cry on I may not have reached out as much to my network as the need wouldn’t have been as great. And for that I am thankful because I have some fantastic people in my life now.

As 2016 begins I think that this year has to be better than 2015 but I know I am in for more change as it isn’t done with me yet. As bumpy as 2015 was I am grateful for the positive that has come out of the negative and plan to embrace the upcoming changes as best I can. The things that have gotten me through each day of this very long year is waking up and focussing on the things I am grateful for (I do have LOTS!) and the things that I do have the power to change. Oh, and having a good cry many mornings after I drop the girly at school has gone a long way…it really does make you feel a bit better.

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Yay, a Raw Food Restaurant Opened Close to Me

Once I discovered that I had intolerances to foods such as gluten, dairy, eggs, and peanuts I had to figure out what it was that I could eat. I found that I would look for vegan food not because I don’t eat meat but because there is no dairy in it. And from there I discovered raw food.

I first went to the raw food restaurant, Gorilla Food, when I attended BCIT’s Vancouver location.  With having so many food intolerances it is very difficult to find things to eat out. I regularly brought food for lunch to class but there are those times when you just want to grab something when you are out. Gorilla Food was perfect for that and I had a couple of tasty lunches and yummy smoothies while there. I have to say I was super impressed with the raw food creations.

The other thing I missed greatly was access to desserts. Shortly after completing my program at BCIT I moved to Victoria where I discovered the amazing Bliss Cafe.  It was there that I discovered raw food desserts. They had amazing food, too but it was the desserts that were my newest discovery. They were like gourmet morsels of yumminess made with ingredients I could eat (and no sugar – sugar is actually another problem of mine but that is a whole other post).

Eventually I moved back to the lower mainland and greatly missed the Bliss Cafe and didn’t live anywhere close to Gorilla Food. Then Organic Connections opened in White Rock. I only made it there a couple of times but I loved sitting looking out over the beach while I ate my tasty treats. Unfortunately, it closed down. (I do hope something else goes in that location soon …right now it stands empty and I really loved the peacefulness of looking out over the beach).

Then, recently a friend of mine let me know that there was a new raw food restaurant in Langley …only about 20 minutes from me. Yay! It is really nice to have an option of a place to stop for a snack that I can easily eat and healthy (this is actually a difficult task) should I need one. So, a couple of weeks ago I stopped in at Viva Verde Cafe. It is a little place just off the beaten path. I had the enchilada wrap as well as a dessert. My daughter had a smoothie. It was all yummy and the proprietor was very friendly, too. You can tell he is proud of his business and wants to do well by his customers as he was genuinely interested in what brought us there and what we were looking for. I have to say I am happy to have a raw food restaurant within reach again.

The Thing About Migraines is That Once They Are Over Everything is So Very Great!

I have suffered from migraines for years. I can’t even remember how many that is how long it has been. It used to be that they were connected to my monthly cycle and I could actually know in advance when I would get them each and every month. They are debilitating.  They start innocently enough with pain in the neck and shoulders that moves to my temples. From there it is like a vice grip tightening and then the nausea from the pain sets in. Everything causes pain …lights, noises, smells and I usually end up under the covers until it passes.

With the fact they were connected to my monthly cycle my medical doctor suggested birth control as a way to keep them in check. It did help the degree of them but it didn’t stop them. Eventually I moved on to a naturopath and my changes in diet due to the discovery of my food allergies and the help I received for my adrenal fatigue eased them but also, they never entirely went away. When my daughter was two and a half, just over a year ago, I was referred to Sharon Richlark, a homeopathic doctor. At the time I was once again suffering from severe adrenal fatigue and my monthly migraines had returned full force. I knew I needed serious help if I was going to be able to give my daughter the care she deserved and needed.

Sharon looked at my whole history and set up a protocol for me. At the same time I had started my Jikiden Reiki journey. Within a month my regular monthly migraines had stopped happening. Wow! (I can’t even explain how much this wonderful woman has helped me). Sharon tells me that migraines stem from the liver …actually, that all disease stems from the liver. And sometimes, despite my best intentions, I slip up. In the fall when we were in the middle of moving my diet fell by the wayside in exchange for convenience because there was so much to do. Lo and behold at the end of that month, wham, migraine had me in bed for 2 days. June is my month for hay fever. And this year it is incredibly horrible. I haven’t had this much itchiness in my eyes and ears and throat for years. So what do I do? I eat eggs which I am sensitive to. On top of that I have been in vehicles this week that have stale cigarette smoke and febreeze …both of which cause me headaches. So, two days ago, wham, a migraine. Again, 2 days out of commission. My lovely daughter knows to treat me gently during this time and she will lay patiently beside me watching a show or ten while I hide from all that cause me pain until once again it passes. (I do stumble out to feed her and do the necessities).

But the amazing thing is days like today when I wake up for the first time in two days and the pain is gone and everything feels wonderful. I appreciate all the things I can do again. I generally have catching up to do with chores etc. but it feels great that I can do them again without holding my head. Today was a day of productivity, of painting, making father’s day crafts (wait until you see what we did!) and dancing with my daughter. Then again, Friday the 13th has always been a good day for me.

PS. Sharon sent me a couple of things to help with my hay fever and after just two days I am no longer itchy anywhere. I am no longer sneezing. Amazing. Next week I finally am going to see her again because I have more issues to work on …but more about that later.

A Sign for My Friend’s New Jikiden Reiki Practice

 

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The Gokai (five principles) are one of the most important elements of Reiki.

I have talked in a previous post about how having Reiki come into my life was a turning point for me. After benefitting from receiving Reiki I decided to learn how to do it, too. And I learned from an amazing teacher, Mari Okazaki. Well, Mari also put me in touch with my friend, Sue. At the time Sue was taking her Jikiden Reiki to the next level and was training to become a Shihankaku (assistant teacher). To do this she needed to practice Reiki on a certain number of people in addition to practicing for a certain number of hours.

Mari put me in touch with Sue because I live not too far from her and she needed more practice people/hours. Of course, I happily volunteered but I had the problem of not necessarily having someone to watch my daughter while we could do this. Sue nicely offered for her 12 year old son to play with the girly. I wasn’t sure a 12 year old boy would want to play with a 3 year old but it seemed like he had fun. I know my girly did. I believe it was the end of the first day that she started calling him her brother. They also had a dog and a cat so basically she was in heaven and Sue and I could get down to the business of Reiki.

Fast forward some time and Sue is now a Shihankaku and I have started my Etsy shop for my signs. We hadn’t seen each other since Sue took her course but we kept in touch online. Sue had some extra strawberry plants and kindly offered them to me which I was coincidentally looking to get some. I was feeling very grateful for the strawberry plants and the babysitting and the Reiki that I really wanted to give something in return. After chatting with Sue over the pick up of the strawberry plants I realized that I could do a sign for her. So it was agreed I would attempt to do the Gokai.

The Gokai is the five principles:

Just for today:

Do not be angry,

Do not be worried,

Be grateful,

Do your duties fully,

Be kind to others.

They are an important element to Reiki so I thought it would be the perfect sign for Sue because she is starting up her own Jikiden Reiki practice. (If you are in the Langley area and want to give Reiki a try you should go see Sue. She is in Brookswood, her website is here and her Facebook page is here. She is lovely). The challenge in this sign is that it is written in Japanese. When I finished the sign I was scared to show Sue because I was afraid I made a mistake to make it say something completely different. I wouldn’t be able to see a glaringly obvious spelling mistake like I would in english. To my relief she loves it and she says it says what it is supposed to.

As for Reiki itself, a great explanation can be found on Mari’s website here. I realize that for a lot of people Reiki is not something you can see or touch so therefore people don’t believe in it. However, I have tried it myself and know that it has helped me and also, others that I have practiced on. As well, I believe the most relaxed I have ever been is during a Reiki session …even more so than sleep or even massage. And I always sleep so much better after I have had Reiki. I really can’t recommend it enough.

And, if you are wondering, Jikiden means “directly from” so Jikiden Reiki is Reiki that is passed down directly from the teacher using the Japanese traditional methods. (And they take their traditions seriously).

I am really happy Mari introduced me to Sue because we became fast friends (coincidentally she has 3 chickens, too!) and I have someone close by that I can exchange Reiki with if we can get our schedules to match up. I hope she does well in her business and that lots of people realize the amazing benefits of Reiki, emotional and physical.

*Edited to add a link to Sue’s website. (I didn’t realize she had a great website in addition to her Facebook page).

 

 

 

 

HSP or Adrenal Fatigue? Sometimes I Can’t Tell.

With all the activity happening around here I have been feeling a little drained …somedays more and somedays less. After I had been diagnosed with adrenal fatigue and food allergies by the naturopath I would often know that if I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept it would mean that either I was overdoing things (adrenal fatigue) with not enough down time or I had eaten things that I was sensitive to. Usually with a quick review of my recent activities and meals I could figure it out. Regardless, it usually meant I needed to take it easy but more so if I was overdoing things.

Now, since I have figured out that I am also an HSP (highly sensitive person) I sometimes have a hard time knowing whether my adrenal glands are crapping out again or I am just having sensory overload because of the HSP part of my personality. I figure if it is the HSP part it will have a shorter term effect and if it is the adrenals it will have a longer term effect. So really, time will tell as the saying goes. Either way feeling drained for me is a red flag that means slow down and be extra diligent in food choices. In the old days before I knew better I used to just push through the fatigue. Now I know it can get a whole lot worse and take a whole lot longer to recover if I do that.

It is really frustrating to not be able to do things though, to not be able to get up off the couch, to feel like you have bones made out of cement. It is my fear of getting back to that place that forces me to make sure I take it easy when I need to as difficult as that is. It would far easier to be able to just get all the things I want done as fast as I want them done. I guess you could say I have been forced to learn how to say no. More importantly, I have learned to listen to my body and respect what it is trying to telling me.

I’m a HSP … Another A-HA moment.

Sometime in my mid-30’s I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment for the very first time. I found out I was an ISFJ (Introversion, Sensing, Feeling, Judging) personality. It would be the first time I would fully understand that I was an introvert and what an introvert exactly was. The definition that stuck most with me was that introverts recharge or regain energy by having quiet, alone time and extroverts recharge or gain energy by being with people. And further that the introvert required three times the amount of alone time to the amount of people time they had. This made me realize that I really did need my down time to recharge and stay healthy. It also made me understand why I would sometimes feel so very drained if I had too much social interaction and not enough alone time to balance it out.

I really became fascinated by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment and started to read a whole lot about not only ISFJ’s but all of the different personalities. It really put a lot of pieces in place as to why people were the way they are and why some people get along better than others. Reading about the ISFJ personality also put a lot of pieces in place as to why I was the way I was and how I shouldn’t try to fit myself into a role that went against those personality traits. It was the beginning of me learning to listen to my gut.

Then, a couple of years ago, when I was 40 my sister sent me a link on my Facebook page to a self test for something called an HSP, a Highly Sensitive Person. You can find the link here. I went through the questions on the self test and holy wow, I said yes to pretty much all of them to one degree or another. This was a huge puzzle piece to helping me cope with being me.

Reading about being an HSP suddenly made a lot of things clear. It is why I have to sometimes wear sunglasses in places like Walmart or Superstore where the lights are glaring bright and there is so much for the eyes to take in …both in product and people. It is why when I worked in an office I needed to turn off the fluorescent lights in my space and bring my own lamp in for more natural lighting. It is why when I had a job meeting people all day, every day I became drained. It is why I can shut down when the vacuum is turned on. It is also why I was wearing sunglasses when I gave birth to my daughter. (I was brought in by ambulance and as soon as we got to the hospital the overhead lights glared into my eyes and the sunglasses went on). It is why I can’t tolerate violent or horror movies. It is why I despise surround sound. The examples really just go on and on.

Being an HSP isn’t all bad. Because of it I am very detailed oriented and that has been a huge asset many, many times over. However, the down side is that because I take in so many details I get overstimulated easily which can cause me to shut down. I find I am especially sensitive when my adrenal fatigue is worse. I am also definitely more sensitive in the morning. It’s like I suddenly develop Spidey senses but not for the good.

Having a child as an HSP mother is also a challenge. I am really lucky to have a pretty great girl. She is caring, considerate and mostly well-behaved. However, it is still challenging when I have too many things going on in my head. For example, when getting ready to go somewhere I seem to almost always go into meltdown mode simply from trying to prepare from the to do list in my head and constantly being interrupted by my daughter and/or husband. And they aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s like my head will just suddenly short-circuit because I have too many things spinning around my head in a short amount of time with the pressure of the deadline of trying to get out the door.

These past couple of weeks when I have been setting up my husbands Etsy shop, starting my blog and attempting to work towards setting up my own Etsy shop bring back my HSP right smack in front of me. Each day I have faced challenges as I try to focus on something so I can complete the task (because having too many loose ends left hanging gets to me, too) while still being there for my daughter and my husband. My husband can understand “give me five minutes” … my daughter, not so much (really, what can you expect from a three year old?). And I have noticed that as I try to take more time she is starting to have meltdowns. This part is going to be a work in progress. I think we will have to set up a better schedule and better communication, too. Today she had a play date with my Mom (so cute, they adore each other and have loads of fun) so I was able to get a couple hours to myself to complete some tasks. It was a huge help. I think I may need to schedule more of those, too.

I have also noticed HSP qualities in my daughter. She seems to notice a lot of details. You can’t really get much past her. She also can’t bear loud noises. If my husband turns his saw on she runs into the house with her hands over her ears. The same happens when I turn on the blender or food processor. And she was covering her ears when my Mom had her foot bath on. I know young children can be sensitive to noise as it is so I will have to keep watch. At least if she is a Highly Sensitive Person I can help her understand what it means and how to cope. Just knowing what it means to be an HSP has helped me immensely. I can identify why my energy is draining and try to either avoid those situations that trigger it or prepare as best I can when I know they are going to happen. At least I know why it’s happening.

 

Reiki, a turning point

I was suffering from adrenal fatigue again. I was breastfeeding, too, so my naturopath couldn’t give me the supplements to boost my adrenals.

I would wake up in the morning but wouldn’t get out of bed.  This was the time of day that my cortisol levels were non-existent and if I were to push myself in any way my body would betray me. I would need to eat something first thing even though the thought of food made me feel nauseous. I would slip out of bed to the kitchen to get myself a small bowl of chia seeds, hemp seeds and coconut milk and slip right back into bed to eat it. This would give me just enough of a kick of energy to make things okay. My daughter had learned to play quietly or perhaps watch a show in the bed in the mornings. We would wake up around 9 but not actually get up until around noon when I would immediately make a proper lunch.  Without food I would certainly crash.

At some point between 9 and noon, regardless of what I did, I would end up on the toilet for another not so fun bowel movement episode.  If I was doing extra poorly or I had something stressful happen then this could turn into a full blown anxiety attack. Too much stimulation at once is different in the morning than it is later in the day. In the morning it could be as simple as getting a phone call (and that is just the phone ringing, never mind answering it, too) at the same time my husband is talking to me, at the same time I am trying to do something for my daughter. Later in the day that all at once wouldn’t bother me so much.

I can’t even properly explain an anxiety attack. There just aren’t words to describe the feelings of everything being wrong at once, of not being able to sit still, of utter misery, of not being able to control your body. During an anxiety attack I would often just pace in circles around the island in our kitchen. If I was lucky my daughter would stay occupied with whatever she was doing. If not it would often add to my feeling of out of control and I would feel terrible for not being able to handle, in that moment, whatever she would need. After the anxiety attack I would feel absolutely exhausted …for the rest of the day.

So, I would do my best to keep my mornings as stress free as possible and try to eat as well as I could. I would also try to get enough rest which wasn’t always possible with a little one.  And then, just after my daughter turned two Reiki started showing up on my radar over and over again. It got to the point that I had to notice. I wasn’t sure what Reiki was but from what I read on the internet Reiki is a form of energy healing. I also have a friend who does Quantum Touch healing, another form of energy healing. My friend lives across the country from me so she had only ever done distant sessions for me. When she had done them for me I was amazed at the results. I didn’t quite understand it but I didn’t really need to understand to believe in the differences it had made for me. Unfortunately for me she had a new baby, too and had her hands full so was no longer practicing for the time being.

Meanwhile, I spoke to my birth mother on the phone and she mentioned Reiki, too.  I had an issue with airplanes which, of course, stopped me from going to visit. I had actually booked a flight previously and not been able to get on it. So she wanted me to do a distant Reiki session over the phone with her Reiki practitioner. So, I did. I don’t know how well it worked because I still haven’t been able to get it together (budget, etc.) to be able to take a trip but one day we will see. She did, however, mention things she couldn’t have known about me and gave me other coping tools. When I got off the phone I decided it was time for me to see if I could find someone close to where I lived. So I turned to Google and found Mari Okazaki. She was a 5 minute drive from where I was living at the time. And she was fabulous.

I went for my first session. All I needed to do on my part was lay on a massage table. Mari placed her hands on me in different positions throughout the session. Shortly after she started I was so relaxed I fell asleep. I don’t think I have ever been so relaxed! It may have been that session or one of the subsequent sessions that I would wake myself up with my snores. When we were done I didn’t want to leave but I felt really refreshed and so hungry. Later that night though I felt unreasonably irritable. When I asked Mari about it she said that is the Reiki working …moving the blockages through my body. In later sessions I didn’t feel irritable afterwards …just the first one. It makes sense since I probably had a backlog of blockage.

I went for weekly sessions. I had been suffering from monthly migraines that coincided with my cycle. The headaches were so regular I could look ahead on the calendar and schedule plans around them. The following month after starting to see Mari I didn’t have a migraine! I was so impressed and excited about it. I decided to learn Reiki. For me and also for my daughter and family.

Apparently, there are different forms of Reiki. Mari practices Jikiden Reiki. Jikiden means “directly passed down or taught”. It is the Reiki that is directly from Japan and has not changed in it’s teachings since the original Reiki came to be. Japanese are a people who are very traditional and this suited me perfectly because I, myself, like to learn traditional ways.  Mari is also a Reiki teacher so I was able to take both my Shoden Level (Level 1) and Okuden Level (Level 2) with her. It is one of the things in my life that I am very grateful for.

Since learning Reiki not only have I been able to use it when my daughter and husband have gotten minor injuries or sickness but my sister was diagnosed with bone cancer last summer right after my Mom had an emergency surgery from a perforated ulcer. My sister lives far from me but I am able to do distant Reiki for her. It is really nice to be able do something when your loved ones are suffering. I also enjoy going to Reiki practice nights when I am able. One day when my daughter is a little older I hope to take it a little further and perhaps became a Reiki practitioner and a teacher myself.